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Munition Stocks Plunge as Increasing Numbers of Citizens Worldwide Refuse to Kill Each Other
Wall Street, World Leaders Express Concern
Image by Anthony Freda | anthonyfreda.com
Recently, Rand was asked to conduct an investigation to determine why an increasing number of peoples round the world are not reacting to one another’s differences as per programmed television subliminal tapes. That is, rather than resorting to the use of harsh words, fists, stones, rocks, bats, knives, guns, assault rifles, tasers, anti-personnel cluster bombs and the like in order to settle differences, they are instead opting to engage in serious and sober dialogue in order to resolve any differences and/or perceived affronts. This latest trend has also resulted in a significant decrease in entries into any of the military branches regardless of socio-economic background.“Should this trend continue,” said one top horrified official in the Jay-Hova-Z administration, speaking on condition of anonymity, “our economy is ruined.”Furthermore, to the chagrin of many in government as well as those of the private sector, large numbers within the various populations are now questioning their respective official narratives and beginning to read books, engage in critical, analytical discourse, going out for walks, smiling at each other on the streets and saying stuff like, “Good morning,” or, “Good afternoon,” or “Good evening,” or, just plain old, “Hello.” Additionally, they are extending a warm and friendly hand to shake and offering to help in the event someone has tripped and fallen on the sidewalk, rather than simply ignoring the whole thing and walking away as though nothing happened. To boot, many people are simply not being affected by the fear stories of about terrorism, stalkers or what-have-you.
Alarmed at the direction this tide is flowing, world leaders called for an emergency referendum, and representatives from the US, France, Spain, Germany, Japan, the whole of UK, Argentina, Chile, South Africa, Austria, Colombia-to name just a few-have convened in Vienna to discuss the Rand study, which concludes with, among other factors: (1) in general, when left to their own devices, people would rather not harm one another as war and things like it tend to make them feel bad; (2) that war is mostly, if not entirely, perpetrated by a handful of people who are out to profit as well as test their latest weapons technology; (3) that it is always the poor, hard-working slob who winds up, not only doing the killing and getting killed, but also footing the bill; that they would rather have their tax money go for stuff like infrastructure, education and the creation of real jobs which pay real, living wages.
“Where on earth do they expect us to raise the money?” exclaimed Ms. Marbel of Germany, dumbstruck by the latter.
“Who gives a flying fuck,” chimed in Valerie Nufoundland via a skype call, “they’re Untermensch, for Chrissake!”
The Israeli representative, Adolph Hessman, who felt no urgent need to discuss the Rand study (but who loves visiting Vienna), concurred stating, if Der Untermensch choose not to engage in self-destruction, “then, by God, we will compel them to. And should they persist to not pick up arms, well, that’s just too darn bad.”
Indeed, it was unanimously agreed to in some way undermine as well as derail this latest trend among the pesty useless eaters, which comprise just barely the entire world population.
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