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We're Taking Your Kids

By Darrel Crain, DC

Image by David Dees |

February 4, 2043


“Who’s there?”

“Open the door ma’am. We’re the Family National Medical Enforcement Security Squad.”


“The FN-MESS team, ma’am. Now open the door, we’re taking your kids.”

“Wha-what? Why?”

“You can either open the door, or we’ll break it down for you. This FN-MESS warrant gives us the authority to take custody of your children with or without your permission.”

“FN-MESS warrant? What? But why? You can’t do that!”

“You ran afoul of injection code AB2199 section 3, repeated failure to get vaccinated with vaccines that are very safe and very effective. The Martial Authority Division Medical Arrest Network (MADMAN) was notified, they notified us, and here we are. It says here you have never vaccinated your kids, even though vaccines are very safe and very effective. MADMAN ordered us to take the children downtown to the MADMAN clinic to get them caught up. The warrant says they need about 437 very safe and very effective shots each just to catch up, so that’s going to take a few days. Then they’ll be placed in separate foster homes indefinitely.”

“Wait! You, you can’t do that! These are my husband’s and my children, they are the healthiest children around! We have the right to decide what happens to our children!”

“Sorry ma’am, you threw away all your rights when you didn’t vaccinate. You should have thought of your children when you were denying them the shots they need. Vaccines are very safe and very effective.”

“Our children never get sick, they don’t need shots!”

“Step out of the doorway ma’am, we’re coming in to get your kids. The PERVERT farm van will be here in about 15 minutes to take you and your husband to the farm to help you understand how very safe and how very effective vaccines are.”

“What farm? What van? What’s this all about?”

“The PERVERT farm, ma’am, the People’s Enlightened Real Vaccine Education Reeducation Training farm. You’ll be placed in stockades there with several hundred other confused and gullible parents. The therapy usually takes about six months to a couple of years, sometimes longer, but eventually you will learn to love vaccines so much you will hardly be able to wait for your children’s next round of shots—that is, if you ever see them again. But even if you don’t get your children back, you will finally grasp that repeatedly vaccinating kids over and over again, time after time, year after year, is very safe and very effective.”

“But we researched vaccines thoroughly, they have poisons in them, they make some kids very sick, and they don’t even prevent the diseases they are supposed to…”

 “Ma’am, you’re confused, delusional, and you need long-term counseling and intensive psychoactive drug therapy to make you understand. Vaccines are very safe and very effective, they are the best thing since before or after sliced bread, and that’s why MADMAN sent us here. Your children need at least 47 very safe and very effective vaccines each year, plus a bunch of safe and effective boosters. We live in a society with laws to protect children, laws to make sure parents don’t abuse their children by not vaccinating safely and effectively.”

“But our first son had a terrible reaction to vaccines, and the doctor told us never to vaccinate him again, or his brothers!”

“Oh yes, well, that doctor is not giving out that bad advice any more. He could never get it through his skull that vaccines never ever harm anybody, ever. How could they? Vaccines are very safe and very effective. He lost his medical license and went to prison down in Guantanamo with all those other hopelessly terroristic anti-vaxxers. You’re lucky you are only going to the PERVERT farm. The authorities are giving you one last chance to find out just how very safe and effective vaccines are.”

“Oh, one more thing, the warrant says that you have automatically forfeited ownership of all your valuables and possessions, so we’d appreciate it if you’d just hand over the keys to your house and your vehicles. They’re being auctioned off next week to help pay for the whole FN-MESS MADMAN PERVERT pro-vaccine effort.”