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Scientific Consensus Directory:
The Ultimate Guide to Indisputable Truth!
By Ginny Stoner | nworeporter.com
Image by Norman Rockwell [PD] | Remix by Ed. | nworeporter.com
Everybody knows that if most scientists agree on something, it has to be true.
Scientists are always objective, like a well-oiled thinking machine, so if something weren't true, they would figure it out eventually, and would scramble to forfeit all their funding and announce to the world that their previous work was all wrong, bankrupting their professional careers to uphold their scientific integrity.
In spite of this obvious fact, scientific progress has been hampered by a small number of radical individuals with a subversive agenda to upset the scientific consensus for their own selfish purposes. It's a clear sign of delusional insanity, so every effort is made to cut off their funding, drag their work through the mud, and bankrupt their destructive professional careers to uphold the integrity of Science.
For professionals and students, the Sci-Con is the definitive reference for determining which avenues of research will receive funding, which studies will be published, which results will receive media attention, and which avenues of knowledge to pursue if you want to advance your career or receive tenure.
Laypeople can consult the Sci-Con in any situation where they risk the shame and embarrassment of diverging from the scientific consensus. The Sci-Con will expertly guide you through any conversation involving the sciences, and contains a wealth of useful responses to naysayers such as "thoroughly debunked" and "science denialist" to make your superior knowledge immediately obvious to less enlightened minds.
The Sci-Con includes over 5 million full-color illustrations and features soothing narration by Carl Sagan. It's available for immediate upload from the Ministry of Settled Science, and can be easily accessed via your SingularMind or MindMeld implant or external personal communication device.
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