Here at Our Lady of Sacrificial Lambs Pediatric, we know that, as loving parents, your duty to society means everything to you. As responsible parents, you realize that the sacrament of vaccination is critical for the health of the community--even if it means sacrificing your child for the Greater Good.
We all know that vaccines saved the world from deadly diseases. In fact, vaccines were so effective at saving the world, they saved it long before they were even invented. It’s true! In an unprecedented scientific medical miracle, the universe prophesied the future development of vaccines, and in anticipation of the momentous event, spontaneously initiated a steady downward trend in death rates from diseases before the vaccines were developed—even for diseases for which there is still no vaccine!
While such miracles may seem hard to believe in modern times, scientific evidence never lies. Just take a look at this graph, which clearly illustrates the prescient preventative powers of vaccination:
This graph was taken from the book Dissolving Illusions: Disease, Vaccines, and the Forgotten History, by Suzanne Humphries, MD, and Roman Bystrianyk. However, the authors are irresponsible pseudoscientists who deny the prophetic vaccine miracle, and instead try to convince people that deaths from deadly diseases stopped because of improved nutrition, sanitation and living conditions. Therefore, Official Experts strongly advise against reading the book. Instead, they recommend you simply use your favorite search engine to look up the authors, choose from a wide variety articles explaining why they aren’t credible, and take what they say at face value—preferably from websites and blogs using the key words “science-based” or “skeptic.” Besides, Dissolving Illusions is a very thick book, and would require the sacrifice of many hours of precious television viewing time to read for yourself.
The doctors at Our Lady of Sacrificial Lambs Pediatric are strong advocates for the fundamental human right of informed consent to medical treatment. In other words, we recognize how important it is for parents to consent to the dangers their children must face in order to receive an education, participate in extracurricular activities and field trips, and join groups like the Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts.
Our Lady of Sacrificial Lambs Pediatric employs a strict CYA protocol that includes a reassuring mountain of paperwork for each office visit, along with a comprehensive Vaccine Consent Form (Psalms Version 23:4). Parents with a low to moderate Treatment Resistance Profile (TRP) score receive the standard version of the Vaccine Consent Form, which advises:
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, brain damage, paralysis, asthma, diabetes, etc., I will fear no evil: for the Official Experts art with me; their white coats and their licenses they comfort me."
Parents with a high TRP score are required to sign the extended Psalms Version 23:4 Vaccine Consent Form, which states:
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, brain damage (whether mild or severe), paralysis (whether temporary or permanent), asthma, diabetes, seizures, allergies and any other form of mild or severe, temporary or permanent physical or psychological damage whatsoever, I will fear no evil: for the Official Experts art with me; their white coats and their licenses they comfort me. They preparest a sacrificial alter before me in the presence of mine enemies, the anti-vaxxers: they anointest my child's body with chemicals; big pharma's cup runneth over."
In addition, all parents must, of course, agree to sacrifice their child for the Greater Good in order to receive the blessed sacrament of vaccination.
Remember, at Our Lady of Sacrificial Lambs Pediatric, the health of your children is our #1 concern! After all, we can’t make a living if they are blessed with too much of it.