It's New World Order

Conquest Day Parade Time!

By Ginny Stoner |

Image by Ginny Stoner |

July 27, 2043
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The New World Order Conquest Day Parade is a fun-filled annual event sponsored by all the global partners in tyranny you've come to know and love, and to depend upon for your every human need.

The NWO parade tradition started in 2036, after Macy's converted its famous Thanksgiving Day Parade to an online digital simulation. According to Macy's, the real parade became too costly after the Animation Protection Act was passed in 2032. The Act requires all inflatable cartoon characters to be housed in suitable accommodations for the duration of their natural simulated lifetimes, with ample air compression facilities, a temperature-controlled environment, and round-the-clock vinyl protection specialists.

This year, NSA inflatables dominated the stage, with fun puffy spy balloons filling every surveillance-friendly space in the sky.

"We wanted to make this year's Conquest Day Parade especially memorable for the kids," said NSA Spread the Love Outreach Coordinator Selina "Snoopy" Hokes. "We're giving away 5000 free microchip implants to kids under 16. Every chip comes with hundreds of coupons for kid-friendly gifts like video games, pee-wee lingerie, junior porn and youth casinos."

Unfortunately, the parade always seems to bring a few crazies out of the woodwork. A gang of anti-social misfits wielding slingshots took down the DARPA balloon this year, but were quickly subdued by caring combat police and taken to a local reeducation center for intensive fluoride treatment.

Next year, the Centers for Disease Control is teaming up with the World Health Organization for a spectacular lineup of inflatable pinatas, chock full of exciting pharmaceuticals that are sure to be a hit with both children and adults alike. Be sure to catch up on all your vaccinations to be eligible for discounted tickets, available starting in January from your designated medical conglomerate!