Amendment IX of the Bill of Rights of the U.S. Constitution was officially repealed last week, after a congressional committee determined that the only purpose it serves today is to confuse people. 

The joint resolution of Congress to repeal the 9th amendment was first proposed via an anonymous letter from someone identifying himself only as "a concerned adviser to the shadow government."  The joint resolution was ratified in short order by all the states, once they were informed that continued federal funding for state militarized police was contingent upon it.       

The now defunct amendment provides:

"The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people."

Congressional discussions revealed that none of the senators or representatives knew what the 9th amendment meant, or why it was there.

"It makes no sense," said Senator Iwana B. Chattel (D-Va.), "the government gives people their rights, so how could people 'retain' rights that aren't even mentioned in the Constitution?  It's completely illogical."

Top education adviser Dr. Abel Slugg confirmed Chattel's astute analysis, noting that Common Core school curriculum, designed to provide a uniformly consistent education-like experience for all children, teaches that citizens wouldn't have any rights if not for the Constitution.

"Where else would rights come from?" Slugg reasoned.  "If rights were natural or inherent, people everywhere would have them.  The Native Americans didn't have any rights when we got here because they didn't have a Constitution, and look what happened to them."

Following a thorough 10 minute discussion, during which congressional members mostly checked their email and indulged in the afternoon wine and cheese buffet, a vote was held that resulted in unanimous approval of the joint resolution, with only one abstention by Representative Clay Feat (R-Ga.), who appeared to be napping.

Congressional spokesman Cliff O'Doom reassured that there would be absolutely no impact on the rights of citizens due to the repeal of Amendment IX. 

"The 9th amendment was just an historical relic of revolutionary days, with no practical meaning for today's modern enlightened citizen," explained O'Doom.  "Our wise elected leaders have determined which remaining rights it is appropriate for citizens to enjoy.  In the unlikely event they deign to grant any additional rights, citizens will be duly informed."



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Ninth Amendment of the Bill of Rights Repealed!

By Ginny Stoner |

Image by Ed. |

December 16, 2042

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