A LONG LOST diary kept by Zbigniew Brzezinski during the critical period preceding WWIII has been discovered in a hidden compartment of his private alter to Molach, to the delight of Brzezinski fans and historians.
The diary reveals a wealth of never before disclosed insights about the famous strategic Global Overlord, including his love of rare orchids, woodland strolls at sunset, and newborn puppies sauteed in butter for Sunday brunch.
But the most surprising and titillating revelation has been Brzezinski's hopeless romantic infatuation with infamous ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, about whom he wrote on an almost daily basis.
"He's stolen my heart with his forceful brutality and utter contempt for humanity," Brzezinski wrote, "but I don't dare tell him of my feelings, for fear he'd behead me."
"Although the thought of departing this world by his powerful hand has more than a hint of delicious," the entry continued, "I cannot abdicate my enormous responsibilities. Who else but me, together with my beloved Abu, could be relied upon to properly orchestrate WWIII?"