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Hi kids! Welcome to the magical world of CDC Land, where all your vaccine dreams come true!
Remember, you can't get into CDC Land unless all of your
mandatory yearly vaccinations are up to date!
Has your mommy, daddy, or non-gender-specific parent been naughty and not gotten all of your shots yet? Don't worry -- you can get them all right at the gate! Just remember that seizures and fainting are normal, so you can only go on the virtual rides.
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IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PARENTS: A dangerous outbreak of chickenpox occurred near CDC Land recently, resulting in more than 150 children spending nearly an entire week at home, wearing pajamas and eating ice cream. The terrifying outbreak was traced by the Federal Bureau of Vaccination Investigation to an 8-year-old boy whose parents neglected their civic duty and legal obligation to get his 4th chickenpox booster on schedule. Remember that incomplete or delayed vaccination poses a serious threat to public health, and places you in imminent danger of arrest. So don't wait -- vaccinate!
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DISCLAIMER: Everyone knows vaccines are highly safe and effective as defined by the industry, and only delusional, irresponsible or disturbingly probing parents would ever presume to question the opinion of pharmaceutical industry sponsored experts whose only concern is keeping your child healthy.
However, should you choose to blame vaccinations for your child's clearly genetically-based shortcomings such as encephalitis, allergies, asthma, diabetes, behavioral disorders, learning disabilities or brain damage, remember that CDC Land cannot be held liable. So shuffle yourself down to your nearest Vaccine Injury Compensation Court, file a petition, and fight against the odds for a slim chance to prove it. That is, if you really think you're prepared to withstand several years of intense questioning of your competency as a parent.
CDC Land -- Where Your Vaccine
Dreams Come True
By Ginny Stoner | nworeporter.com
Image by Ed. | nworeporter.com